How to Care for our Inner Child, and not Expect our Partners to do all Our Work

 

Written by: Alycia Oliver BA, MCP, RCC

Healing happens when we care for our inner child. We cannot ask our partner to do this work for us & here's why…

If you have not done any inner child work, and you do not feel connected to him/her then you may be pushing that inner child onto your partner to care for them.

We all have a “child self”- a part of ourselves that are rooted in childhood beliefs (and often pain).

Believe it or not, he or she will pop in to say hello both during times you would expect AND times that are completely unexpected.

When your inner child says hello, it is completely natural to want to feel cared for. This child is often scared and feels like their safety is being threatened.

During these times, it is helpful to ask yourself “how old am I right now?"

Is your 8 year old self running the show?

This child self is a part of you, a part that comes up within your adult life. This duality creates a mental tug of war during this time- between your logical mind & your emotional mind.

One part of you if seeking comfort, safety, and reassurance and the other may feel shame for feeling out of control in your environment.

One of the biggest things I see in my work as a therapist is people being disconnected to their inner child. And as a result, we rely on our partners to re-parent this child of ours.

It is crucial that we learn to do this first and then ask for our partners support on our journey!

When we gain emotional maturity, we learn that it is okay to yearn for this care, but it is not someone else's responsibility to care for this precious part of you!

These are some signs your inner child is needing love and attention:

  • you experience emotional outburst & feel out of control

  • you have a tendency to self-sabotage

  • you struggle to set boundaries due to the desire to please others

  • you have strong fears of abandonment and rejection

  • you can feel deeply alone despite being in a room full of people

  • you get an urge to push people away and be alone

  • you’re constantly longing for the past and are stuck in nostalgia

  • you have reoccurring patterns pop up in your relationship

  • struggling to feel and acknowledge your emotions

  • lacking self-worth and self-esteem

  • overthinking social interactions and scenerio’s

Inner child journal prompts to kick start your self-discovery:

  • Explore your family dynamics. How did your caregivers express love? Were there challenges or conflicts? How do these patterns affect your relationships today?

  • Write a dialogue between your adult self and your inner child. What would your inner child say to you, and how would you respond?

  • Reflect on any unmet needs or desires from your childhood. How can you fulfill these needs for yourself now as an adult?

  • Write a letter to your younger self at a pivotal moment in your childhood. What advice, comfort, or encouragement would you offer?

  • Explore a moment when you felt misunderstood or overlooked as a child. How does this impact your communication style and the way you seek validation as an adult?

  • Imagine your ideal nurturing and supportive environment as a child. How can you recreate elements of that environment for yourself now to foster healing and self-care?

Interested in Doing Inner Child Therapy in Vancouver?

If this is something you are interested in exploring further? Don’t be shy, we are here to help!  Please reach out to our team of relatable and authentic therapists to start your personal growth journey. To work with one of our clinical counsellor, book a consultation today.

 
Relationships, Self-WorthAlycia OliverAlycia