The Role of Emotional Intimacy & Safety Building, From a Vancouver Relationship Therapist
Written by: Kristie Burkett, RP-Qualifying, MACP Candidate & Alycia Oliver MCP, RCC
Building strong relationships is an important aspect of our lives, significantly impacting our overall well-being. Central to this are the concepts of emotional intimacy and safety, which support the structure of any healthy relationship. Let's explore how these elements are integral to developing and maintaining strong connections with friends, partners, or family members.
Emotional intimacy is building a shared understanding and connection beyond casual conversations.
It involves revealing the authentic parts of yourself - your aspirations, fears, joys, and insecurities. In a relationship with emotional intimacy, both individuals feel seen, understood, and valued for who they truly are.
Developing this kind of intimacy doesn't happen right away. It's a gradual process that requires consistent effort and openness. Key to this is engaging in meaningful conversations where both people listen, empathize, and remain fully present. It’s about creating a bond that goes deeper than words.
Safety in a relationship refers to creating an environment where individuals feel secure, respected, and free from judgment.
In this space, expressing oneself without fear of criticism, rejection, or feeling endangered is possible. Emotional safety lays the groundwork for intimacy to deepen.
Establishing and respecting personal boundaries are both critical to building safety. This includes acknowledging and honouring each other's personal space, viewpoints, and emotional needs. Showing consistent respect for these boundaries cultivates trust and a feeling of security.
Let’s walk through the steps to strengthen emotional intimacy and safety:
1. Encourage Open Dialogue
Create a space where both parties can share their thoughts and feelings openly. This mutual exchange helps in understanding each other’s feelings. It is important to consider the timing and setting of the conversation. Understand your partner’s body language and identify the signs that they are not open and receptive.
2. Practice Attentive Listening
Focus on understanding your partner’s perspective. Listening attentively demonstrates that you value their thoughts and feelings. If this something you have struggled with in your relationship discuss having one person share everything on their mind first while the other person listens and then switch the roles. Despite having an urge to chip in, you must refrain to focus on understanding what their perspective is.
3. Cultivate Empathy
Empathy is showing care, understanding and warmth towards someone’s experience and feelings. This can be hard when we feel that we have not gone through anything similar however I will give you a trick…
Let’s say someone close to you has had a family member pass away- they are going through grief. It is possible you have never lost a loved one before- but we can ALWAYS connect to an emotion as they are universal. When have you experienced grief? We have all experienced loss and grief however they may show up in different ways. Try to connect with those emotions while practicing empathy.
4. Invest in Quality Time
Engage in activities that both enjoy, using this time to deepen your connection. Alternatively, if things are feeling routined and stagnant you may want to choose something new to explore for the first time together!
5. Be Consistent and Dependable
Consistency in actions and words is key to building trust and safety. For many people, they grew up with homes of inconsistent love. This would mean a slight sense of inconsistencies may send them into a spiral of not feeling safe.
Regardless, showing up authentically and consistently is the foundation of emotional intimacy and fosters healthy connection and communication.
6. Show Appreciation
Regularly express gratitude and recognition for your partner, reinforcing the positive dynamics of your relationship. If you reflect on your relationship and you ask how many times have I asked for something to change or shared that I am unhappy about something vs. shared my appreciation for things that are going well and right. If this ratio is heavily leaning towards that former, it likely has triggered a ‘not good enough wound’ in your partner/loved one.
Focus on sharing every moment of appreciation and positive feedback- you will be surprised at how much momentum this can build in a relationship.
Final Note:
Building emotional intimacy and a safe environment in relationships takes work. It requires patience, understanding, and dedication. By prioritizing these elements, relationships can evolve into deeper, more meaningful connections with genuine support and mutual respect.
If you’re looking for support to figure out how to navigate these steps in your relationships, reach out to seek support from a counsellor. We’re here to support you in building meaningful, intimate, and safe relationships. We are just one click away! Don’t forget to view our Relationship Counselling Page and our Couples Counselling Page.